Three Words on Life

Ever since sharing my Green Recovery story last week, I feel as though I have shedded an unwanted layer. This isn’t to say I was hiding my past struggles, merely I was uncertain how to articulate them. Sharing my past has turned out to be extremely therapeutic, and I know that being candid on these topics will be beneficial in the end, despite their heavy nature. If you’re not up to ready about these topics, click here for a happier post :)

IMG_1666Unrelenting structure and consistency are two things I have depended on in the past to maintain a perceived sense of control in my life. Deviating from the preconceived ‘plan’ would usually lead to discomfort, both physically and emotionally, and was therefore avoided at all costs. Since beginning to listen to myself more closely and responding appropriately, however, this previous structure has been disintegrating. Although liberating, feeling content without following structure is something I’m not really used to. ’Good days’ feel as though I’m high on some sort of drug (not that I would know, really).

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Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling like an effective and productive human being; it’s when the days aren’t so good that I get into a wee bit of trouble. The structure I adhered to before was a way I trained myself to avoid negative emotional states. Adhering to a strict regimen meant that I had no excuse to feel ‘bad’, and for the most part I didn’t. What I felt instead was a constant numbness with hardly any joie de vivre. Since I’ve eradicated this safety net, I do occasionally have bad days; case and point, yesterday.

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It was one of those days that the little things just keep piling up, and as much as you try to let them go you just can’t. I’ve never been one to want to sleep my worries away, but I’ll admit that I spent a significant amount of time yesterday curled up under my electric blanket (it’s cold in Kingston!) wanting the day to be over. After a tearful phone call to Mom, I finally mustered up enough mental motivation to try and turn my day around.

Thankfully I had a few school-related things to attend to in the afternoon; they were an excellent distraction and got me out of the apartment and out from under my lovely warm blanket. I went for a really long walk down by the water, and channeled my inner child by climbing on the rocky lake shore. Breathing fresh air was really helpful in distracting from my horrible mood. When I got home, I took a break from school work; instead I sang karaoke at the top of my lungs (sorry neighbours), watched funny YouTube videos (this one almost made me pee), sipped tea, and engaged in a lengthy Pinterest session. As mindless as that all sounds, it made me feel so much better, especially after coming across this quote:

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Well said, Mr. Frost. I also remembered that we just had a full moon, which in my experience makes everyone a bit loopy. Now that I have calmed down, I can remind myself that every second is a new chance and that there is no sense living in the past, especially if it involves an irrational meltdown. Reminding myself how fortunate I am is also very humbling; I am so grateful to have family, friends, and a community that is so willing to support me in these difficult instances.

Thanks for sticking with me through this brain-dump! I’ll be back tomorrow with a happier post and a fun snack recipe for you to enjoy! :)

Question of the Day: How do you bounce back from a bad day?

Thanks so much for reading! Leave me a comment, or follow me on, FacebookTwitter, Pinterest, and Instagram; I’d love to connect with you!

About Suzanne

runs on plants. eats out of mason jars. bends like a straw.

21. November 2013 by Suzanne
Categories: Mind, Personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 12 comments

Comments (12)

  1. love you su! <3

  2. Hi, Suzanne! I have not ever commented, but have been reading your blog for sometime now. I found this post not at all sad, but completely realistic! I myself have dealt with eating issues in the past, and can say i, with the help of an extremely qualified therapist and many months of practice, over came it, too! I can totally relate to what you are feeling, and thought I’d share my insight into how i overcome negative thoughts. The biggest realization and most useful tool for me has been to first and foremost recognize WHY i am feeling down, or why i am feeling anxious, or why i want to eat an entire jar of nutella ;) …usually all three of these feelings happen at the same time! For me, I realized I get into these states of negativity because i am actually scared about something or a situation. Once I realize WHY i am feeling that way, I can then accept that, embrace it, and usually through a peaceful walk (like you mentioned), or a run, or even calling a friend and just letting them know I need a pep talk. The biggest hepful tool for me, though, like I said, was recognizing WHY, accepting that, and really embracing that. a lot easier said than done, for sure! Hope this helps :)

    • Thanks for your insights and tips, Katie. I love hearing about how others face day to day challenges! I really appreciate your comments and I hope to see you around the blog again soon :) xo Suzanne

  3. Glad those things helped to somewhat turn your day around! When I’m in a bad mood I find going for walks outside (hopefully if it is sunny), making myself a nice meal, or just sitting in bed and watching my favourite TV show or movie can help. Sometimes you just have to wait it out and let it pass.
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  4. Hi Suzanne,
    I am so behind on my blog reading, and I’m so glad that I chose today to get back to it. I just popped over to CR to read your story. Your strength and bravery through it all is so inspiring. Thanks so much for being open and for sharing with us!

    Heather

  5. Suzanne,
    I know exactly what you mean because I have felt the sam exact way at times.
    For me, lack of structure feels like lack of control and that’s when my anxiety kicks in… And before you know it, all I want to do is isolate and become more rigid!

    I love that you just allowed yourself to indulge in some self-love and personal time. I will sometimes beat myself up for “wasting” away hours on the internet but you’ve reminded me that sometimes it’s just what we need (:

    • Thanks so much for reading, Quincy. Chilling out and ‘vegging’ is a concept I find difficult to grasp; it gets easier everyday though!

  6. Ah yes, totally relate. I used to get positively distraught when I didn’t have any plans for a day, incapable of just going with the flow and being ok with doing “nothing”. I’m much better about not having a structure these days although I do still lean on one when I’m feeling a little crummy.
    On those low days I really try and get myself outside as being cooped up just makes me feel worse. I also try and get myself to do something with other people, even though that’s usually the last thing I feel like doing. Takes me out of myself and my head.
    So proud of how far you’ve come Suzanne :)
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